Well this is a tricky one for sure and so very complex when so much depends on that other person we are sharing with and hoping they will understand, during these times we are walking on a very fine line as we struggle to feel comfortable to do so whilst also knowing that we could be opening a can of worms. So we sit with it within and struggle to keep hold of how we are feeling like we have to keep our tummies empty, but as with any other type of can we can’t eat its contents unless we pick up that can opener and proceed with the process of opening it. Of course this is metaphorically speaking but until we do we will never be able to examine or attempt to solve a problem, and yes at times this can inadvertently complicate or even create more problems or trouble for ourselves.
It’s a difficult meal to arrange not knowing what the other person prefers to eat and what will lie heavily in their stomach, but before we even present that meal we struggle so deeply with finding the right ingredients. We are not a Michelin chief and not at all comfortable even being in that kitchen, the ovens seem to be so very hot and we are so convinced that before we walk away from that kitchen we will for sure suffer from severe burns.
As with everything else within our lives we can’t avoid this issue without doing what’s needed it’s a little like trying to feel full without eating, until we face up to that meal we are going to suffer those hunger pains and eventually suffer with even living healthy on a day to day basis. Until we sit down at that table and share that meal we have no way of knowing just how unpleasant it will be to digest, but the one thing we all know is that we have to eat to survive.
When we hold on to those feelings how can we ever expect that another to understand without the knowledge of understanding how we feel, without being able to convey how we feel creates so much damage within us but speaking out is so very scary right? We will never have the forefront of knowledge as to their reaction until we do speak out. Hell when we do so we may find that we are not in the same restaurant or even looking at the same menu, but maybe when we do so we may find out that we are in fact able to taste each other’s meal with an open mind as to how it will taste.
I have found myself on many occasions sitting across from another as to speak and the language on the menu seems to be written in complete double Dutch, trying to share and being misunderstood or delving into that place of reaction judgement or anger which I know is not at all tasteful. But also knowing and feeling the indigestion of that if I stand up from that table and leave then I may never be giving the chance to taste that particular meal again. I guess all we can ever really do is to speak out and express our feelings whilst hoping that we will be received in the right frame of mind in which we have intended, we have no guarantees in life as to where to go from here only the knowledge that forward motion is needed. All we can ever do is to take that chance in the trust that in time and with shared conversation that meal will become a pleasant thing in which to share.
As a suffer of past abuse we will struggle with our emotions because we never really feel like they are our own, they are so very mixed up inside of us that at times they feel so completely alien. We feel that extremely difficult conflict going on around us but in truth quite simply we are in conflict with ourselves; what’s needed is to come together as one by really looking at those recipes within in order to run a successful restaurant. We try to eat correctly because we are told that we all need a balanced diet to stay healthy and our emotions really aren’t so very different.
I’ll see you the other side when you’re ready to pay that bill……..