Deep seated anger it’s a feeling that we can all relate to because anger is an emotion and as with all emotions we will feel them, every emotion we feel is so completely different and insights a different response. With the emotion of anger we can at times feel like we are within a demolition site just standing there as the building falls around us, unable to move for fear of being crushed whilst our ears are bombarded with the sound of the explosions that won’t cease even though we are the ones with our finger on the button. We stand there holding on to it with a death grip and even then it seems that the button has its own mind and we can do nothing to remove our finger until this anger has been expunged. By that time your head will be spinning with the heightened emotion felt and the experience you have just been subjected to, as we are left faced with what we still have left in front of us whilst not caring if anything can be salvaged from the rubble at all.
We feel that the anger that arose within was not unjustified but still OK someone has to come in with the bulldozer to clear it all up but it’s not you so that’s fine right?
We experience many emotions there is the emotion of complete love of disappointment or complete sadness and let’s not forget worry. Our range of feelings once evoked by our emotions can seem endless and are so very complex, that we could go on here filling up the page with the awesome range of our emotions but let’s go back to the subject at hand i.e. deep seated anger.
This emotion is nothing more than a wrecking ball hell bent on destroying our lives by the way that its felt it’s an overriding feeling that is so dam hard to get control of once it’s out of its box, it will fly off in every direction having the same effect as TNT which we then use to bring the house down. The walls fall around us but we will not be content until its structure is completely demolished right down to the footings, because it’s then that we can gaze at our work with complete relish and satisfaction and see the effects of the bomb that just went off all around us. There we stand righteously gazing at the carnage of damage as the dust swirls all around us trying to find somewhere to settle so that we can see through the fog. Completely unaware and not caring about the materials that will be needed in time to rebuild this desolation, to be able to start from scratch with something liveable but it’s really not our problem right?
It was justified you were right to lose all control because you felt either judged or suffered disillusionment with another or was it was a broken trust? Next time whoever will know just how far you are prepared to go if this situation recurred right? There we sit on our extremely high horse with our head in the air but mostly feeling completely removed because we had not been the cause of it right? So many questions but we have all the answers don’t we? But as we leave that situation with all that in mind we can’t help but take with us the fragments of what has just fallen down around us, the pieces of broken debris which may at that time be invisible to us, the dust in our hair and the dirt that we walk away with on the bottom of our shoes. We may have left that building site but inevitably it will take more than a shower to make us feel clean once again.
Deep seated anger has no real place in our lives other than to buffer our dented ego or to make us feel righteous defensive or pain, but the problem with this emotion is that it can’t help us to feel better about ourselves it can only in time give us a deeper understanding of that situation. I’m really not talking here about the recipient of that explosive emotion because I guess we could do no worse, we have made it completely clear just how we stand and there could be no mistake. I’m talking here about that emotion of regret that as yet has not even entered our minds but who sees regret at a time like this? Well I guess that’s just another unanswered question for now.
Regret for how that emotion made us feel because in time nothing is without its cost let’s hope that the cost won’t not be too high, because everyone pays the price when this deep seated anger is invoked. So before we embark on this lonely angry exercise should we not try to answer at least one question? Is that TNT really needed or what’s warranted? Just maybe the restructure of the existing building would suffice but that’s for you to decide. For myself I have already been within that emotion so many times that I have come to realise that I have lost something from each and every encounter on that demolition site, so sitting here today I try to avoid the one thing that hurts the most and for me that is regret although I don’t always succeed so I guess I’m a work in progress.
As abused children we grow up without even recognising the deep seated angry within us and that angry only grows with time, it’s inevitable that all the pain and control we have lived through serves to make us feel that we will always need to fight the world around us. As time passes it sits festering with seemingly no outlet or anywhere to put it down, but we have to keep looking for that place before that angry takes from us the rest of our lives in front of us. Sadly so very often that anger seeps out at the wrong time or the completely and utterly wrong place or even directed the wrong person, but we have to keep trying to find some control over that anger or we will never find any peace and it may even destroy any happiness we may have found.
Holding on to deep seated anger is nothing more than pushing the detonator and watching the devastation it causes- whilst expecting our own house to withstand the blast.