Well let’s start by saying that we are about to enter into a conflict that we have never experienced when we approach this subject and it will create a gigantic open wound that could compare to the effects of surviving an atom bomb, on entering that place we need to be completely sure that it is approached with our minds being completely open and prepared and lying to ourselves will have no place there. This can be with the support of someone highly skilled in this matter because when that bomb goes off we can become completely overwhelmed. But it’s important to realise that the most qualified person to approach this situation is without any doubt us why? No one else knows our inner child more than ourselves. Yes we should take direction from those that offer it but ultimately the resounding decision to embark on this transition is ours no one else can make this choice for us, we alone can settle and hold our outer being before we enter that place ultimately it’s up to us to find that confidence which happens when we are within a space that we feel we have some control of there may be many retreats to regroup but that’s OK. It’s a completely different matter dealing with our daily abuse knowledge we recognise it because we are used to holding ourselves at that moment but when we reach back into that dark remembered hidden place it’s a completely different situation. Make no mistake we will need to be the one with the ability to enter and release ourselves at that moment in time when we are on the outside looking within. It has to be our choice to delve into a war of remembrance and to deal with the after-effects of the explosion after the desolation and still have the strength to stay there. We will find so many pieces of the life we have lived until now along with that which we chose not to remember as a child all around us and we will have no choice but to pick it up, our child is carrying so much hurt and pain that they can’t help but drop because they are already holding more than they are able to so we have to be strong enough to deal with both sets of emotions. When we enter this place during our realignment we will have no other choice but to lighten their load, after all, they have been holding it for us and from us for so many years embracing our emotions without choice, we have until now existed separately but we will never win this battle without standing face to face on that front line both looking and hoping for a cease-fire and a real understanding of what the other has endured.
Walking back in time in our minds and embracing our pain is for us an extremely brave move which is worthy of any medal being pinned on our chest, and it takes a huge amount of strength and determination to enter that place without any military training whatsoever. During this time its effects will be felt on every level as we try to untangle all those years of suppression and separation to look squarely into the face of that other part of us we will both be in the trenches edging our heads out of the rabbit hole and trying desperately not to get shot in the process. There will be plenty of skirmishes and we will not escape without taking a few bullets but the only other option would be not to try and we are not able to be a conscientious objector if we are ever to be in with a chance of emerging victorious and complete. In essence, our separated souls need to come together and I know that’s an odd thing to say but until this point, that’s just how it is, and I don’t have any greater explanation nor am I able to give a deeper insight just the knowledge of the journey I have made. Within my journey, I had to blend completely with my inner child and take most of the weight upon my shoulders because the other is a child and that’s what grownups do right? Well yes, but at that time I felt so completely vulnerable when I first met my child face to face and maybe that was how it was supposed to be, how could she rise to my level of being I had never let her I’d placed those emotions and memories there so very long ago because I was myself at that time an abused terrified child and I just couldn’t hold on to them. I had created this separation as that child I had to do so if I were ever able just to be and stay within this world and I’m sure that it’s the same for everyone, we had to survive so the deeper we pushed these experiences the better, in essence, we chose to close off that part of our brain.
Being inside of our own head can be so very difficult even in the here and now so trying to deal with our memories in totality is a huge ask but it’s a direction and journey that only we can take, we have to go back there and start to make a dent in the task before us and no longer practice total avoidance why? Until we do peace will avoid us for a lifetime. I guess it’s a little like requesting that we meet in no man’s land where we are both in a place that’s completely neutral. Whilst there we will, unfortunately, need to be reacquainted with those disturbing memories and relive the pain of their reality, those things that we had placed within on this unknown battlefield but if we can find our way to this neutral ground before the first shots are fired that in its self is a victory. No one wants to go to war why would they? But some battles can only be won by engaging and it’s a fight that we alone have the insight to be able to have any chance of conducting the strategy required for that much-needed truce.
If we take the time to prepare ourselves for whatever situation we may find ourselves in then the battle is already half won and we enter into the battle on our own terms and not dragged along kicking and screaming, it’s so important that we don’t feel pushed or pulled in any direction by our opponent-our child or those around us and that we are on solid ground in which we are able to stand firm. Our opponent in truth is our child and you may ask why I would refer to this union as war? Well, we are at war because our child is too afraid to let go of what they are carrying because if they do how do they exist? They believe that we’re not capable of holding any part of it we could never do so before to prove a point and what is this becoming one? The only way we will ever completely create this union is if we convince our inner child that it can be different because they don’t want to give up the fight even though they are buckling under it from the sheer weight. Their fight is to stay buried undisturbed within that dark place because no man’s land is to completely barren open and unsafe so they are staying put. The war is between them holding on and afraid of trying anything other and we trying to achieve and take hold of that which we know is needed to achieve that merge towards recovery. All wars aren’t obvious to those around us or visible to another because life for an abused child-recovering adult it can never be that way, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less of a war and one of the hardest battles we will encounter in our lifetime. There comes a time where we have to bring that child into our world and the present we can’t forever keep them in that world of pain its way past time that they joined us in the now, in truth the war that we don’t think we can win is the only one worth fighting for and so very fruitful changing our memoirs of the future.
It’s our job it has to be to take that child to a place where they feel safe for them to trust that we will stand there with them behind that wall of smoke after the explosion of that joining, and yes we may disturb the battle ruins further creating a larger cloud of smoke which leaves us both at that time without clear vision. But the smoke will clear if we stand there long enough in a united front holding each other and sharing these experiences for the first time in our lives, it’s a little odd and we will make mistakes because we all do but once we achieve this union we will never be alone again its different now we have two sets of hands, and the other will assuredly pick up that which we may drop on this journey for the first time in our lives we have backup that we can trust and we are as one. Throughout my journey and to that place of peace I was left with the knowledge that whoever had helped me along this road towards recovery in the past the only one that really mattered was deep inside of me.
I know that in time we can all face that inevitable battle of realignment why? This is so very far from being our first skirmish…………………