Teresa Joyce

Posted By teresa on October 21, 2012

Dr. Carol Francis Radio Talk Show Discusses Sexual Abuse as Related to “Coach” Jerry Sandusky; Interview With Abuse Survivor Teresa Joyce, Author of “There’s A Fine Line”
Victims of sexual, physical or verbal abuse often remain loyal or desperately attached to their abuser. Jerry Sandusky’s trial brings this phenomenon to light. This Stockholm-like Effect deserves compassionate examination. Dr. Carol Francis on her Radio Talk Show discusses the magnetic pull between victim and abuser with Teresa Joyce author of “There’s A Fine Line” which is an autobiographical account of how twisted and entangled such relationships become.

“There’s A Fine Line” Autobiography about Sexual Abuse by Teresa Joyce
Quote startCoach Sandusky’s Trial compels every parent to take heed about the role of influential authorities in their child’s life. Sexual and mental abuse is real. Listen to your child’s unspoken cries.Quote end

London, England (PRWEB) October 19, 2012

Dr. Carol Francis discusses sexual abuse as related to “Coach” Jerry Sandusky sexual abuse against his young trusting students. This radio show is available on demand at Dr. Carol Francis Radio Talk Show.
“Jerry Sandusky misused his relationship as coach or a socially powerful man who could make or break these children’s youthful-athletic “careers,” self-esteem or sense of being “accepted.” The children’s responses at times clearly illustrated the human vulnerability to remaining attached and even loyal to one’s abuser,” explains Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Carol Francis.
Dr. Carol Francis helps listeners appreciate the depth of entanglement that victims feel with a power-figure who becomes emotionally and sexually abusive in this radio interview with author Teresa Joyce, abuse survivor.
Teresa Joyce’s book “There’s A Fine Line” published by Chipmunka Publishing helps all readers feel the disturbing entanglements within these twisted relationships. The abuser seems essential to the victim’s perceived survival or worth. Listen to this powerful radio interview with Teresa Joyce at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dr-carol-francis/2012/04/16/sexual-abu… or on my YouTube.com/drcarolfrancis at http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL4ECD9E3D9DF369E4.
“We teach children to respect authorities in their lives and too often instruct them to cooperate and “do as they say.’ These parenting instructions do not have innocent impact on children when those young ones are left in the hands of a sexual abuser or even verbally or physically abusive adults. Parents need to take heed to teach children to act with respect but only give genuine respect and genuine cooperative behavior when the adult proves to be worthy of respect and when that adult instructs the child to do worthwhile activities,” suggests Dr. Carol Francis. “Blind obedience is a practice which should have been discarded decades ago even before Hitler’s horrific era. Young children need to be taught the power of saying no, leaving a bad situation with an adult and knowing that even adults can have bad intentions. These are definitely harder parenting instructions to explain or teach to a young innocent child.”
Dr. Carol Francis has been a Clinical Psychologist and Marriage Child and Family Therapist for 32 years and has published extensively. Other radio shows, books, articles, blogs and discussions can be attained at drcarolfrancis.com

Category: Abuse, Memoir, Mental health system, My Journey, Podcast Radio, Self Help, Sexuality | No Comments »
Tags: abuse, Author, Book, Life Story, Memoir, Mental health system, Self Help, Sexuality, Teresa Joyce

Posted By teresa on October 17, 2012

When we think about this emotion more times than enough it’s the way we look at others. Empowerment is the person we see standing in front of us totally in control whilst showing us the way. This person surly has all of the answers; they speak with wisdom and fortitude. Where do they find the strength the firmness of mind, enabling them to encounter danger with such courage? It’s there supporting them with every move they make, we have the odd feeling that an aura of power seems to emanate from them. There’s an undeniable force likened to something we have never encountered previously. So how can they speak with such authority? To my mind those that are at their best at doing so, have at some point been in a place that you feel you are right now. This is a scenario I have experienced on more than one occasion. The truth is that we all learn more from someone that has experienced the same emotion as we find ourselves within. Over the years I have seen more than one mental health professional all hoping to be the one that would end my struggle, which was a process that took many years. I was lucky enough in time to find that one person that changed the way I felt about myself. Sadly it’s a kind of lottery as to who may be your salvation. I sit here today and know that I could have found an easier route through empowerment. This may have started with attending seminars, listening to radio shows geared towards that subject. But the most powerful tool of all would have been hearing the words of a survivor.

So how do we ever stand a chance of becoming it seems to us the font of all knowledge? How can we command the strength of character that we are witnessing? The one true answer has to be self empowerment. You may be sitting there right now thinking that I am stating the obvious and you would be right, but knowing and believing are two very different things.

For so many because of the guilt we carry within self empowerment we feel is impossible to achieve. It’s the one thing that we can’t shake off it’s such a powerful emotion. It’s impregnating within us over the years of our struggle. You may be asking what or why do we feel so guilty? The resounding reply to that question is undoubtedly the brainwashing we were subjected to over the years. In my own experience it was unmistakable and unquestionable. For so many years I stayed within an abusive situation never able to see my way out. The longer the abuse continued the greater the guilt increased, until it was compounded so deeply within me it seemed I was unable to come up for air. Our abusers have played their game so well, the master tactician far more powerful then ourselves. Everyday seeming like ground hog day nothing alters our pain only increases. The word empowerment is so very far away. Self empowerment we believe is totally unobtainable.

So where do we start? We learn to place the guilt where it firmly belongs. We need to understand fully that we were the victims. If this abuse was during childhood how can the fault sit with you? More often than not our abuser is a family member or someone you may have looked up to trusted. Your protector whom you chose to believe would never put you in a situation of danger. Sometimes our beliefs are not under our control. Self empowerment is obtainable to every one of us when we take back control of our lives, when we understand that the sin was not our own but against us. When doing so we exorcise the ghost that seemed as if it would never leave.

Empowerment is the process of making our own choices, of having some impact on the desired outcome. We can only look within because in truth no one else is going to do it for us or can achieve the desired outcome. Align your life with the positives that are only just beyond your reach. You have to believe that’s possible. It’s a case of digging deep within to tap into the strength that carried you along this far which was no easy task.
You and you alone know the best way forward for you; backward glances are not an option. We can never forget but we can forgive which is a completely different concept. Who are we forgiving? That child within us that has suffered enough…….

Category: Abuse, Memoir, Mental health system, My Journey, Podcast Radio, Self Help, Sexuality | No Comments »
Tags: abuse, Author, Book, Life Story, Memoir, Mental health system, Self Help, Sexuality, Teresa Joyce

Posted By teresa on September 10, 2012

On Demand Interview with CJ & Stephanie. Blogtalk radio – in life

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/hellodrcj/2012/09/14/hello-dr-cj-whats-life-about

Category: Abuse, Memoir, Mental health system, My Journey, Podcast Radio, Self Help, Sexuality | No Comments »
Tags: abuse, Author, Book, Life Story, Memoir, Mental health system, Self Help, Sexuality, Teresa Joyce

Posted By teresa on August 20, 2012

How do we measure courage? I guess it very much depends on your mind set. There are so many ways that it can be measured.
We hear stories about the loss of lives in our armed forces whilst serving overseas; sadly this is a measure of their courage after the loss of life. Unselfishness whilst serving their last thought being the safety of those around them. War time medals of valour giving for the enormous courage shown. Bravery or courage differs in fortitude in a crisis situation. Bravery is a deliberate choice to go from a place of safety to danger or remain in a perilous position to provide help.

There is the fight for life if we are diagnosed with a life shattering illness such as cancer, as we embark on a series of treatment. Uphill battles that can feel as if the struggle will become too much, that we are never going to get that all clear. Not forgetting those that show so much dignity, with the knowledge that for them the battle is now lost. Their only thoughts turning to ease the pain of those they will leave behind.

Then there is the courage shown so often of a young family having to prepare for that loss. Going forward with the firm belief that no matter what it takes, they are willing to give all that’s asked of them. Making sure their children have a guided hand in their journey towards acceptance of the appending future. This is no easy task whilst dealing with the grief of a young mind, not fully understanding the logistics of everything going on around them. Once more this shows strength and courage in yet another guise. Putting aside their grief for the sake of the nurturing feeling within that should never be underestimated.

It can be a walk into the unknown by some, leaving for distant lands to help those that are on the edge of starvation with no help it seems in sight. But even with that knowledge on board, many take a leap of faith into the unknown to make a difference. Sure that their efforts will change the tide of destruction and death. Happy to face the enormous task they will find themselves facing.

All of the above equate to the point I am trying to put across. I am absolutely not trying to compare, or saying that either one of the above scenarios is the front runner. Each and everyone shows immense fortitude. We can’t put a yardstick on courage or measure it by standard by using a comparison.

But there is another show of strength that sometimes goes unnoticed. Why because so often it’s too uncomfortably to talk about, or it is met by critical judgment. But the courage faced by those that have been abused is up there with the best of them. I stand before you personally a testament to that fact. It takes courage to even admit you need help. It takes enormous courage to bare your soul to a complete strange. In my experience the first endeavour sadly never holds fast. This then only compounds our inner most thoughts, justifying within us that we are in a battle that we will never win. The fight becomes harder each time that happens. During our lifetime we walk past many doors that are not entered, we choose not to walk through them but they were always there. So how do we find the courage to enter in the knowledge that for us it may be the wrong door? The answer has to be the acceptance within us that it may take a little while. If we take a look at our ever day lives many times we fail at the first attempt, but that does not stop us trying again.

Life is precious and until we stop in our tracks neither being pushed from behind or hindered from the front, we are not living in the here and now. We will continue on through wasting this precious gift of life. Tuff words I know but they are the reality. It matters not whom our abuser may have been, it matter greatly that they are still present within us affecting our lives. We need to find the strength and firmness of mind; resolute endurance has always been with us and should never be in doubt. The fact that you are here reading my words for me puts that question beyond reproach.

Courage against the enemy – for us it’s found in a passive courage, one that means we can move forward without the need to feel that we are at war within. The alternative is to carry on along the road of darkness inadvertently tearing pieces from ourselves; they have to be discarded. Cast off never to be salvaged. That’s a fight in which we will never win.

Sitting here I find myself wondering why it took me so long to understand all of the above. But without doubt we are back there with my old friend time. That’s a tuff nut to crack and one that you alone will know when it’s time to face. I walked through many doors to reach the place that I am now in. One of complete understanding that I was only ever in mortal combat with myself and the demons within -my abuser had left many years ago. I am by no means the oracle and if I have any words of wisdom; they come from the journey I had to take. I am not the bravest soul in the world; my courage comes from the peace now within me. By this I mean that at some point you will walk through the right door, but only by entering a few along the way that holds nothing for you. They may even take something from you that you don’t understand.

We are well aware from many episodes seen both in the past or present day that whilst too fractions won’t back down, then unfortunately war is the only outcome. Unfortunately also this rings true with a mind that is in turmoil. But if you use the best strategy the war can be won. For many that may mean that it becomes a particular long term plan for success, but you will be moving in the right direction that’s what matters. The day will come when you will stand proud as a conscientious objector, knowing that you have walked away to a new life triumphant……

Category: Abuse, Memoir, Mental health system, My Journey, Podcast Radio, Self Help, Sexuality | No Comments »
Tags: abuse, Author, Book, Life Story, Memoir, Mental health system, Self Help, Teresa Joyce

Posted By teresa on June 15, 2012

We are entering a mind field here where the only way to find the right help for you is by trial and error, in my own experience I spent so many years doing just that. At times I felt as if here was no one out there that could ever fill those shoes. The key here is to consider other aspects of our lives. Example – we have all been in a position that requires us to shop around; maybe we even go home empty handed. I myself have returned many items that I thought suited me whilst in the store, only to return the item a day or so later. My point here is that we are all individual, and that goes across the spectrum. We all like to eat in different places; we use different hair salons because we have found the hair stylist for us. We differ in the clothes we feel comfortable in. You may feel that putting the above scenarios in the same equation as my Mental Health is the wrong thing to do. I grant you mental health is by far not that trivial; it’s a different ball game entirely, where I was clearly at that time playing out of my league. But it really helps if you try to look at it from that angle; looking back it truly made a lot of sense for me at that time. I attended so many appointments, where on leaving I knew that I would not return. Some tried to alter my medication; others sat across from me saying nothing, I guess waiting for me to impart some manner of wisdom on my own condition. There were days when I thought the right person would never come along for me. Someone that I could open up to and ultimately to trust with my life, to be honest it was a very scary place to be in. I am not talking here about the loss of our life that will come to us all; I’m talking about reclaiming my life where I was no longer just trying to exist. We may have been living in the state of limbo for many years, which is true to say with regards to my own situation during that time.

So how do you explain that you need to share the days of terror, whilst not wanting to dip your toe into the water? How do you find the strength you need to relive those years in today’s reality? How do you know that the hand you are holding on to for dear life will keep you safe, trust that they won’t let go when the going gets tough? The fact is that it will get tough there is no getting away from that, but that’s true to be said by us going it alone or reaching out for the help we need. Why else are we so utterly terrified to enter the lion’s den? Will we be judged? Can we tell someone about our nightmares? Maybe they will share our secrets; we are told that it would be unethical for them to so, but from a learned behaviour we know that people lie. It’s so easy to be deceived which in itself causes our heart rate to race; our secrets are something we thought we would take to our grave. Our secrets are something never to be told, we must never do so or the outcome would be dire. There is a chasm of darkness an abyss where we have stored our painful memories. It’s a place that we never enter willingly; so how can we contemplate asking someone to enter there with us? That chasm it seems has no visible end; but my promise to you is that if you walk forward in that direction, there is a light to be found at the end of that tunnel. The day I found that right person for me stays with me to this very day, I remember feeling just like a child again; all the insecurities came flooding in. It was akin to learning to walk those first tentative steps as an infant. In essence I opened my heart and soul to a complete stranger how mad was that? Answer- it was a completely sane thing to do. I had found that one person that I could trust. How do you arrive at this point and even believe it’s possible? Answer- simply this by shopping around, because there are no quick fixes to be had. This brings us neatly back to the start of this piece, along with the message of perseverance I am hoping to impart. They say that you may kiss many frogs before you find your prince or princess; well the same equation could equally be applied here. You may walk through many doors before you arrive at the one you feel safe enough to close behind you. There is no other way then to trust in the new life that you so badly want to be yours. This will happen for us all at different times within our journey to recovery but who ever said it was a race…….

Category: Abuse, Memoir, Mental health system, My Journey, Podcast Radio, Self Help, Sexuality | No Comments »
Tags: abuse, Author, Book, Life Story, Memoir, Mental health system, Self Help, Sexuality, Teresa Joyce

Posted By teresa on May 23, 2012

A a great show shared with other guest Linda Leon

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/toughtalkradionetwork/2012/05/23/power-talk-with-linda-b-w-guest-linda-leon-teresa-joyce

Category: Abuse, Memoir, Mental health system, My Journey, Podcast Radio, Self Help, Sexuality | No Comments »
Tags:

Posted By teresa on May 7, 2012

This subject was something that I really had trouble getting my head around, why would anyone revisit a point in their life where it spelt nothing but pain and suffering. Why the hell would I ? A place you would think that your own consciousness would crawl over hot coals to keep you from revisiting. When you consider that statement it’s easy to see my confusion. What we have to remember here is that it’s the action of a mind struggling in the realms of the reality. At that precise moment in time anywhere would be a preferred place than the one you are being made to face. Can we make sense of that? I’m not sure that it’s at all possible…. in my own situation sense had been missing for so long. What we are dealing with here is a splintered mind where things are baffling or suspicious. Our consciousness refers to the relationship between our mind and the world with which it interacts. We could say that Regression is a defensive reaction, where we retreat in order to deal with our situation at that point in time. Pain will always cause a reaction that’s the very nature of our defence mode. But unlike having a broken arm let’s say where you know when the pain will subside and the plaster will be removed. The mind of someone having ever suffered abuse in their childhood does not have that courtesy. If we were to just think about childhood as a whole, there is a picture book pop-up that should reveal happiness, protection, bewilderment at the world around us as we grow. In a perfect world this should be the memories of every child. In realty for some that image will only ever be in our imagination. We are unable to share stories of our childhood with others; we even hope that we will never be asked. If this occasion occurs we wander down the road of make believe, we invent a fitting fanciful story not wishing to be excluded from the happiness being discussed all around us.

Why? Good question and one that’s so very hard to answer, maybe we feel we are in danger and retreat looking for that arm to shelter under because we feel exposed and vulnerable. The mind playing tricks, eluding us into believing that was a time when we were loved and protected. The fact that shelter was never felt or given seems to escape us.
So is that why we revisit? Do we hope that by doing so we can change our past? I have personally witnessed this childhood regression outside of myself which was so very painful for me to watch, a chapter in the life of someone very dear to me. It was like watching a mirror image of me struggling to rid myself of the boogie man. I watched transfixed as the transformation occurred. I spent time talking to that child, in the real knowledge that the lady experiencing this episode would never remember that pocket of time. After so many years not dealing with our past it’s so very hard to face the truth. That our childhood was not the image the world has of the perfect family unit it was not even close. It was so very far removed. Yes I revisited my childhood as I know others do the all over the world with joy, but however often I revisited in reality I was stuck with the past that was mine.

Regression is not always experienced so far back sometimes we regress to a happy point in our lives whilst an adult, which is a very welcome rest bite from our present reality. It’s an escapism that is sorely needed just at that point in time. It can be happy memories of say the birth of our children our wedding day… you get the idea I am sure. So why is it that we still choose to at times regress so far back and enter that painful place? Simply said we have not dealt with the exorcism of our past. We need to be able to do so to live in the here and now.

If you have ever read any other pieces written by me, you could be forgiven for thinking that old chestnut again….. But no matter which way up we look at it we always arrive back at the same point, acceptance of the path we have walked and forgiveness. Rightly forgive yourself for the part you feel you played; others can tell you that you played no part at all how could you? That you were only a child whom should never have been exposed in this way, but until you come to that place within yourself it’s a lonely road we walk. We need to forgive the atrocities we were exposed to for our own sake not our abusers. Forgiving is not forgetting. Yes our memories are painful but we still have the rest of our lives to create others, but only if we deal with our demons here and now. Release the past because your right to happiness is within your grasp just waiting to be embraced. We may never be able to infuse others honestly with our memories of a joyful childhood, but we can make great strides in moving forward. For myself I am lucky enough to have my Son and Grandson around me, with a further addition not too far away in a time where my past is defiantly behind me. I find joy in the smile from a little boy that is living the life all children should have as a rite of passage. We can’t change our memoires however hard we try, but we can create others in the most unexpected places that will blow the pain of your past away……………

Category: Abuse, Memoir, Mental health system, My Journey, Podcast Radio, Self Help, Sexuality | No Comments »
Tags: abuse, Author, Book, Life Story, Memoir, Mental health system, Self Help, Sexuality, Teresa Joyce

Posted By teresa on April 29, 2012

Category: Abuse, Memoir, Mental health system, My Journey, Podcast Radio, Self Help, Sexuality | No Comments »
Tags: abuse, Book, Life Story, Memoir, Mental health system, Self Help, Sexuality, Teresa Joyce

Posted By teresa on April 8, 2012

I was very happy to have a return interview with Hollis Chapman on Blog talk radio – The Hollis Chapman Show
As part of this Interview and the work I am trying to achieve, a short recording has been placed on You Tube as a call to action video. Please visit the link below

Category: Abuse, Memoir, Mental health system, My Journey, Podcast Radio, Self Help, Sexuality | No Comments »
Tags: abuse, Author, Book, Life Story, Memoir, Mental health system, Self Help, Sexuality, Teresa Joyce

Posted By teresa on April 4, 2012

Let’s explore the above heading a little together. You could be forgiven to think that surly this is something no one would ever do. What would be the point? Clearly I am not talking here about the act of lying; I’m sure that we have all been a little guilty of a white lie or two. If we really get into it here I am talking about living in a state of limbo. Unable to deal in the realms of the true you, because you feel if you were to do so you would never be able to deal with the emotions it would evoke. Some of the examples that may be given if we were to go take a look in a dictionary may read a little like this.

To live in a way that is dishonest because you are pretending to be something that you are not to yourself or to other people.

To spend your life as someone else

Faking or pretending

Letting sleeping dogs lie

Holding you cards very close to your chest

An outward show to the world of being the clown whilst so acutely aware that it’s all just an act

Fingers crossed we will be believed. After all we are the only person aware of the turmoil going on deep inside of us. And we are getting pretty good at ignoring that. Why did it even matter that the outward face you are showing to the world was so far from the truth? They believed that’s all you cared about right? The words rattling around in your head… It works for me. If we are ever challenged with regard to this falsehood we defend it venomously. But undoubtedly if you have ever even versed those words – it works for me – then clearly it isn’t or it doesn’t or it would never have been detectable by the person doing the questioning. The unequivocal truth is that it’s right there for all to see like a beacon hovering above our heads. The trouble with this train of thought is that you cannot allow yourself time to think. Consideration or attention cannot be given at all cost. But that is an easy thing to deal with; we just don’t give ourselves the time. So we charge along the road of space filling. Never spend too much time alone far too dangerous by half. For sure it would be an easy thing to do; there was work, evenings out, and holidays to arrange. You even start planning things way in to the future. Nothing could be left to chance. The worst thing that could happen would be to find you were all alone for more than a few hours, where you and the suppressed you are the only two people in the room. That you can’t deal with. An invitation for them to creep up behind us unnoticed. So once more we are back on the tread mill because no matter what they needed to stay put. We busy ourselves with someone else’s problems finding that easier to deal with then our own. Another space filled. As with so many of the issues I find myself writing about time crops up so often as being the enemy. All the above is something I recognise distinctly. It’s true to say that the many radio shows that I have been a guest on; the same has been echoed to me time after time.

So how do you deny you? Seems an odd thing to say but a statement I have heard many times. I have myself witnessed this in the not too distant past, but sadly I was unable to alter the circumstance surrounding that person at that time. The best I can hope for is that at some time in their future they embrace their past with courage. If we choose not to deal with our demons as we think of them they will only ever be one step behind us.

I was to find out many years later that in fact my act had never been believed. At that time in my life maybe that didn’t matter, so was it just that I had to think it was believable? These questions and many more were the reason that for so long I just denied me. Sleep always evaded me because in the dark the real you just won’t leave you alone. I would not sleep for days and then crash from the sleep deprivation. I am so very lucky to have now found myself in a place where I know the real me is all I have to be. My past my memories and all warts included. That same outcome for you is only a step towards faith away.

Many things are to be contributed to this situation, but in my experience it’s our past that keeps us in that loop of non acceptance. Acceptance really is the one thing we need to strive for, but it needs to be the acceptance of who we are. Far more importantly it needs to be acceptance of where we have been. Acceptance of the journey we should never have been made to take. We really need to understand that unless these issues are dealt with we will carry them through life always. They will continue to affect so many things within our lives. We can’t just ditch our past just how easy would that be! There is hard work to be done. Strive for those nights where you are happy to find yourself alone. Embrace all that you are because that’s enough. In doing so we have to believe that could be your very first tentative steps on the road to recovery, they don’t have to be strides just moving forward.

Crossing your fingers will never be as effective as moving on in your life with an open hand…..

Category: Abuse, Memoir, Mental health system, My Journey, Podcast Radio, Self Help, Sexuality | No Comments »
Tags: abuse, Author, Book, Life Story, Memoir, Mental health system, Self Help, Sexuality, Teresa Joyce