Lawful prosecutions will never really be healing for a child abuse surviving adult although it may be looked for and rightly so. Every child abuse recovering adult, without question, deserves that atonement. But when I look around me I don’t see a world that’s lacking in retribution, quite simply, it can only ever be acted upon in law if easily proven. In so many cases of child abuse, it is so very difficult to prove that the said abuse is beyond any reasonable doubt. Simply because it requires the art of reaching back over many years that are past gone within childhood to be able to do so. As the years go by time seems to shift and the memory can become confused, this happens because the lines have become more than just a little blurry during that shift. There is also the fact that these memories are extremely painful, and over the years they may have become as one. These now blurred timing of events and the effect upon their vision of recall is only ever the inability to separate each event.
Memories have become diluted and mixed within and it is never going to be easy to shine a light upon the experience, if it ultimately means, they will also be required to broach the dark and its shadow. There is a world full of souls out there that are still suffering within their childhood abusive past, many, still feel too afraid to shake it up and reawaken that pain. Simply because of the familiarity of holding that past abuse seems to be the safer option. Can they really face that in which for so many years they have kept buried out of pure necessity? The fear of the effect in the here and now will almost certainly cause immense pain and upheaval. It is so very daunting without a clear path ahead that feels safe enough to be able to be tread upon. The question is asked of themselves from deep within is it less daunting to sit with the devil they know? Rather than the devil in which they feel could ultimately emerge?
Just how can a child abused recovering adult really relay each and every abusive act going back over so many years? How can they remember- times? Dates? Places? Where the initial abuse took place? How often? Did you tell anyone at the time? The list of the questions asked of them are so deeply felt and the painful answers required seem to be endlessly. Just how will a child abuse recovering adult untangle all those years into separate incidents? As that child they once were even if they were asked could that child relay that secret to anyone? The answer to this question is very simply no they had to keep it that way, a secret, or lose their world and it is an abuser’s ultimate weapon. As that child, they lived within the fear of rejection and the total dominance that they were continually subjected to. In all truth, during that time whilst children, the abuse would rightly have been received as continual and there were no separate incidents. Fear of the impending abuse was always present how could it not be? It was only ever a matter of when.
The consequence in the here and now is that so many answers from to those penetrating questions, well, they seem to elude them.
Their life is somewhat of a jigsaw puzzle that has been stored away somewhere at the back of the cupboard, each and every time it’s taken out, somehow, weirdly, more of those pieces seem to be missing. Recall for a child abuse recovering adult may even be something that they have strived to avoid, and it may have taken many years in order to be able to block those painful memories. It is enough for them to survive each day as it arrives within those painful memories that nevertheless are still alive, those in which however hard they tried they were never able to block. They arrive within the depth of sleep where the subconscious has all the power, what’s more, they are then carried throughout the day that is still waiting to emerge.
Recall for an adult survivor will always need to rely upon that child’s given recall so just where do they start to unravel those nightmares in full clarity? That adult survivor at the very onset is compromised by that child’s recall, to be able to supply the answers to those heart-wrenching questions. It must never be forgotten that during this attempted recall at another’s request towards the adult, the answer is still deep within that child, who doesn’t even what to comprehend those painful questions. It is little wonder that the adult survivor will then find themselves at a loss. At the time of the abuse they were just children, overly more, they were terrified children without any access to the answers. As much as it may be required or requested within complete clarity, well, it is more than a little difficult to catalogue those events in sequence.
In all truth, as that abused child complying a diary of events would have been the very last thing on their mind. Sadly, with those answers seemly missing or muddled some may interpret the lack of total recall within these heinous acts as being untruthful. They may feel that a response to their questions should be lined up and ready to go. Well, if only it were so easy to do so. To comprehend that a child abuse survivor would invent such atrocities against themselves, well, that truly escapes me.
Justice for so many will never be achieved whilst looked for through the considered lawful and proper way, justice is often left begging and inaction is so very often all in which is received. As talked about above the onus is placed upon the child, in order to support that adult survivor, and to present a flawless case. Wow! just how wrong does that sound? There can be no separation they are as one although apart desperately trying to find that unity whilst both are severely damaged. It may seem that over time they may both feel and share the loss any real of hope of redemption.
So very often all that any child abuser really needs to do is to do nothing just that and no more!
They rely upon the years that have passed by with that secret intact, they rely upon the ordeal that any adult child abuse survivor will be faced with if lawfully reported and investigated. They know that it is a huge ask for that adult to return to that place of horror and still be able to protect the child. Child abusers are fully aware that if any action were to be taken, that abused child will once more need to stand within such fear as if it were yesterday. Some adult child abuse survivors will never be able to do so, which in turn, will mean that so many child abusers will fall through the cracks. Within a justice system which only ever requires just a smidgen of reasonable doubt for it not to be proven, with the result being that the said abuser will never receive any atonement for their crime.
How can a child that has been sexually abused prove to others that which they could never tell of at the time? For a child abuse adult survivor it may feel that it is the only way to justice within that courtroom but is no place for the child, even within that place there may still be no peace to be found. Even if justice were to be found within the letter of the law that inner peace may still not be achieved. But ultimately, at times life can bring with it that in which was not expected and that peace will be found in another direction. I guess what I am trying to say to you today is that at times life can be trusted to find its own truthful direction, enabling that journey towards recovery and atonement in a direction in which they never knew existed. Their hands will be no longer tied and the peace in which they crave will be found within. That direction can be found and achieved by everyone, without exclusion, and rightful so.
Incarceration of an abuser is always hoped for but even if achieved the abuse is still forever felt, it is now part of the fabric of who they are and still within the struggles of today. As a sexually abused recovering adult incarceration is a familiar concept, as children, they were always within that situation. Yes, the prison cell may not have been invisible to the naked eye, but still, they were continually held within abuse and the bars proved to be formidable. The incarceration of any child abuser will rightly seem to be as if justice has been served, but that could, or never would, heal the terror of those childhood nightmares. But maybe it is just enough to recognise that every journey has its own path and timing, and that ultimately, life still holds a real possibility for everyone in time to become complete with their inner self.
Justice may not always be on view to us but it pays us to remember that justice has many guises……