An unforeseen accident can happen to any one of us which requires that we head towards the medicine cabinet to pull out a plaster or a bandage, and maybe even a visit to the hospital to get patched up. We feel a little sorry for our self we may even revel in it a little it’s nice to feel cared for even if we play the old soldier for a little too long but soon enough we heal and get back to living our lives. We may even have a battle scar that we proudly exhibit so that everyone gets to see just how injured we were. That, of course, depends on the person or the child and both my grandsons and granddaughter know just how to play me within that to its full effect. It seems that sweets and fizzy drinks will heal all and I want them to get better right? Well, that’s the question I am asked often.
These cuts graze bumps and bruises are visible and although they may be a little painful at the time they will soon be forgotten, we don’t need to hold on to it there is no real purpose or reason for doing so. It will for sure happen again somewhere in the future life is full of trips and falls which we would rather avoid. That’s just how life is but we pick our self up brush our self down and normal activity resumes because the pain we felt was sudden and unexpected, they will heal over and our bruises and bumps will disappear and if we are lucky they leave no trace evidence.
But what I’m here to talk about today is a world apart from the above if only that were the extent of the pain felt by an abused child. For the purpose of this exercise, I’m going to use a jigsaw puzzle as a point of reference whilst engaging with you today, the many emotions within us that are so completely fragmented, that separation deep within us, and just how we can change that mindset and work towards our recovery. Our open wound will never completely disappear and we will spend year after year trying to apply that plaster only for it to be painfully ripped away time after time. Even when we feel stronger we know that there will be another bad day coming our way, unfortunately, maybe that’s a mindset but we are proved to be correct time after time. Our abuse is part of us and it always will be in varying degrees so the medicine cabinet will never really aid us.
We have to find a different way and become masters of selection and learn the art of compartment, yes that bad day seems to be a frequent visitor so where do we need to go to find our healing? The answer was never going to be an easy one our child abuse and its effect upon us can’t just disappear but it can be altered in the way that we perceive it. In time we can all learn to control that which we already know which is far more than we have ever expressed to another, we have always kept something back because that’s our safe space. Our mind is so much stronger than we imagine in truth we have for many years been carrying two sets of emotions i.e. whom we seem to be externally and our damaged child internally and that takes enormous strength. Maybe it will always be that way but we can’t wipe our memory or the pain that it creates that would be like painstakingly piecing together a 1000 piece jigsaw whilst blindfolded.
We can never hide or forget the past or have our memory altered and why should we it’s integral to us and if you remove a section it alters the whole, it may sound like a good thing if we were able, but in truth, it couldn’t help but disturb the balance that we have spent years achieving. What’s needed is a change to our thought process and the end of our separation from our inner child, because if that separation has never been addressed it will remain the place where our residual pain sits. It’s so important to know that until we find a way of coexisting with our thoughts feelings and emotions we can never become as one, so we learn to control our exchanges until the time where we are mostly able to stand together as one. OK, there’s no mistaking that at times we really won’t get along and what the other is feeling expressing or imposing upon us will seem so completely alien.
During this time it may seem to others that we have become a little distant but that’s fine and I’ve learned through life that what others see really doesn’t matter, they can’t enter that place within us there is only room for two and at times that may feel like it’s one too many. But when it’s time and if we are ever going to make that change then we must at least be looking at the same jigsaw, even if at times we may argue as to where we should start or who place’s each piece where it’s needed and it may end up in total destruction! Here we go again on our knee’s searching for those scattered segments. But it doesn’t have to stay that way the more we practice going within the exchange becomes a little easier and in time we will find that well-earned compromise.
We will find that our processing becomes a little smoother that we are in control more than ever before even if we slip back a little it’s expected, or we seem to be taking three right turns when in fact it was only one left turn that was required. We are learning to coexist because neither of us should need or want the other to leave we are just in a different place’s right now, and yes it’s scary when we decide to make this adjustment buts it’s achievable.
Counselling is so very important when we move towards recovery it may take many years until we feel strong enough to stand alone and complete but in time we will. When we are nearing that place we alone will need to insert that last puzzle piece because it’s part of our recovery and we have to feel strong enough to do so. It’s now within our grasp whilst in the past we were so often found scrambling around on the floor within a search of desperation, where is it? When we finally come together as one in love forgiveness and with complete acceptance our jigsaw will be complete.
That’s the time that our wound heals over and the scar it leaves behind is nothing less than beautiful……