All of us at times hide behind a mask to be able to keep our true feeling hidden because we will never feel comfortable with all our feelings and emotions out there for all to see, that part of us needs to be kept deeply within us so that ultimately we are still in over all control. Whether we are or not is a completely different scenario but it needs to be seen as such from the outside whilst what we are really feeling is a struggle deep within. When you have suffered from abuse you have already spent most of your life behind that mask, for us it’s far more than a prop that we are able to remove after every performance. It’s habitual and consistent and continuous as we portray to the world the face we want them to see, and this is true of all of us whether we have suffered abuse or not in whatever social situation we are in.
If we were to gather all of our friend’s family or acquaintances together every one of them whilst mingling will surely have their masks perfectly in place, but for those of us that have been abused then we need to add to the mix the vulnerability we are feeling. We are hiding and holding back so much more of who we are under that mask due the fear of being exposed seen as weak or judged, the feeling of not being able to stand up with any resistance to the elephant in the room that’s always with us. We feel sure that no one can lift that mask unless we let them so each time we are in a social situation out comes the super glue and that mask is going nowhere, but if we think that by doing so we also won’t be able to see ourselves beneath that mask that’s a complete misconception. What’s more during that said social event we find ourselves holding on tightly to that mask as if we are sure that it is somehow slipping, so now retreat is the only answer where we need to reapply that much needed and completely inscrutable glue.
I guess that in all truth we may never reach a place in which we feel that mask is no longer needed and shown to the outside world, but the only one that needs to see beneath that mask that really matters is ourselves. That sounds like a really easy concept but that’s not even close as to being the truth, because in all honesty the internal mask we wear is ever present the one in which we are the only ones that can find the strength to lift. It sits there like a kind of barrier between who we would like to be and who we really are, and if we were ever to try to peel away that mask well that’s a very daunting prospect. None of this struggle is even visible to the outside world, and for sure even if it were they would not have the skill set to be of any help this fight as always is down to us to make that forward progression. We can of course continue to project to the world that false image and even convince ourselves that’s who we really are, but there is a reason for that face makeup applied liberally that at times still allows us to see the tears of a clown. When you cry on the inside there is no body there to hear or dry your tears but that doesn’t mean that they will never dry.
We all have within us the strength to be that someone that we really want to be without fear or feeling any judgement, because as abuse survivors there is no judgement that even comes close to how we already judge ourselves. I guess what I am saying is that the mask we continue to wear was measured and manufactured by our abuser as children but if we really think about it have we now not outgrown it? It’s now way past time to be who you are without the need of that mask because that’s all that we need to be and to feel completely free where that inner mask no longer dictates who we have to be, that outer mask will always be around but we can choose to only take it out for that mingling we talked about above because lets be honest everyone enjoys the odd costume party.
Our lives will only ever alter for the better when we are prepared to take that chance……..