June 2016

The Anger Within Us

AngerAnger is a natural responce to feeling attacked deceived or frustrated; everyone gets angry sometimes that’s life and it’s a part of being human. Furthermore it’s not always a bad thing it can be a useful emotion. It allows us – if we listen to it – to identify problems within our lives that are either hurting us or others because it is going unchecked. If this then becomes a learning curve by identifying and recognising that our anger is upsetting either ourselves or those around us in an exaggerated manner. It can then act as a mirror by bouncing back those reflections and we become aware of some bad habits that need our full attention. But we need to remember that mirror may as well be a brick wall if we don’t engage with the reflection. There are times when the anger emerging within us can act as a defence mechanism appearing suddenly out of the blue if we are feeling threatened. So as we see anger it very much a part of our lives even when it upsets the apple cart for that brief moment in time.

Anger can at times evoke a real feeling of fear within us even if we are the ones at that time with a ball of fire in our gut that we can’t seem to put out. Whoever is the instigator of this on-set of emotions it can’t fail to act as a Wirral wind dragging in those around us which serves to remind us of the plight of Dorothy in the wizard of ozz. Tempers become frayed and the scene that presents itself seems to have taken on a life all of its own. We then reach a standoff where neither either nor all wants to be the ones that seem as if they are backing down. It becomes a matter of principle where the rights or wrongs of the whole situation are lost to us. A line in the sand has been drawn in which no one by it being either dragged pushed or willingly will cross over. The truth is that if we were to step back and view this situation with our emotions intact we would be astounded by the complete loss of rationality. The issue that caused this eruption has been lost only to be replaced by the overwhelming feeling of being proven to be right beyond all doubt.

Ok, we have all at some point I’m guessing been in many situations that I have described above one in which once we step off the moral high ground and stick a few plasters over the wound we then move. But sadly for others it is never going to be that easy why? The wound is so very much deeper and the cuts inflicted feel like they are never going to heal. But the real truth surrounding this situation is that the wound is far from being new it seems as if it’s always been there and rightly so because it has. So as life imposes new situations upon us that reflect the above the knife is driven in so very much deeper. To state the obvious those wounds remain unseen but the pain that they create is unimaginable. If I were to take a look within me there are a few real battle scars that many a Viking would be proud of. This type of anger is so very difficult to explain and so very destructive that it can be likened to a kind of cancer eating away at our very being. Furthermore this type of anger is one in which we readily seem to top up much like our mobile/cell phone credit as each year passes us by unchecked. This repeat scenario continues to go right on past us time after time and will continue to do so until we deal with our deep seated anger by becoming conscience of it and able to engage with it.

We seem to be within a struggle to become dogmatist because within this emotion we are going to stay on the moral high ground come hell or high water. No one will even come close to pushing us off because that’s a fall we can’t comprehend why? Because we feel that our anger is justified but the question being begging here is – is it being placed within the right situ? We fight to stay up there on that high ground because gods forbid if we were to fall we will have to deal with the real cause of our deep seated anger. In truth it has nothing to do with the situation surrounding us at that time, but it has everything to do with the anger we feel within which if we were to recognise is directing purely at ourselves. So how do we remove that feeling of immense agitation and pain from our lives which is the real root cause of so much anger? Anger placed there so long ago by another which clearly doesn’t seem to alter even after so many years as to how we feel. Even though they may no longer be integral in our lives or a spectator to our actions they have with no doubt left us with this legacy. So when we look in the mirror of reflection we feel so very angry at ourselves although unjustly because it was something in which we had no control over. But there you sit although you are now an adult questioning yourself daily over who is hitting you over the head the hardest? When in truth you already know the answer and it’s a wonder that you can even wield a hammer of that magnitude! When you have been abused as a child you will always be the one wielding that stick with far more force than the outside world. I myself am so very aware that there was a time in my life where there was not enough angry to be mustered around the world to equal the anger that I was directing at myself.

So let’s pick at the bones of this very volatile situation together to see if there is any real insight to be found.

The truth is that we put everything and anything in place so readily to be angry about instead of recognising our own anger within because we feel that we just can’t go there. Even more so we just don’t feel that we need to do so anyway right? So we direct our anger at the world in totality. The awful things happening around the world that can only be seen as a travesty but we somehow we make it our own personal crusade. The guy that parks in the parking space that you were waiting for patiently! Hey could he not see that you were already there waiting. Something said directed at us that causes a reaction within that can only be seen as being totally over the top. You have been sitting in the doctor’s surgery for twenty minutes after your appointment time and you can feel your angry erupting from within than bang it’s out there without the need for an introduction. It would seem that deflection is our closest ally.

I am in no way shape or form trivialising the deep regret for mankind around these issues because in truth there are some pretty horrific things going on around the world, or the annoyances we feel by feeling that we are being overlooked or invisible. What I am talking about here is our own avoidance and displeasure at us which surrounds the anger that we feel so deeply in which we are struggling to own. Because anything real to get our teeth into shifts the goal post by miles and then we have justified angry totally unrelated to us. So we go on day after day not having to deal with or recognise the real issue that is eating us up with such vigour.

Until we reach a place where we can face our angry and try to understand it the world will always feel as if it’s beating down on our head even though it’s mostly at our own hands. For me the place to start was by embracing my anger fully and without question which then allowed me to make forward movement towards undoing that knot tied so deeply within. Admitting to and owning that angry is one hell of a big obstacle to climb over because make no mistake that anger is truly justified and when faced with our past its more than a little scary. But it’s you and you alone that will have to make the biggest decision of all – can you face it embrace it and most importantly once faced can you put it down? At this moment in time you may not feel ready to take that first step in that direction but trust me it’s achievable overly more you can walk the road at your own pace. That road doesn’t even need to be straight one there is nothing wrong with taking a detour. If I can say anything to you in the here and now it’s that what lies behind us we can’t change what lays before us to some extent we can’t predict but what lies within us we can learn to embrace.

Own the anger within because until you do so it will always own you…………..