December 2015

Letting Go

Letting goLetting go should be oh so easy- why would we hold on to all those painful negative memoires that were not of our own making? But nevertheless they constantly sit within us somehow it’s our legacy which we seem unable to let go of. We came into this world with a path we were to follow, a blueprint that was created as surely as any of the structures we see all around us. As we all know a blueprint has to be followed to the letter or the structure becomes unstable. As surely as the creation of the bricks and mortar that we see around us rising up towards the heavens. The Foundations were being put in place within us as we continued to grow-but are they? I guess the answer to that question has to be a yes. But the footings were never so shaky. We had no other choice than to place our complete trust within the hands of others to insure its safety. Clearly for me and others like me that trust was misplaced, we had no choice other than to continue to grow with no solid foundation whatsoever.

We struggle daily with frustration anger and trust issues. Expecting that cliff edge to be out in front of us because let’s face it ground hog day can’t be changed right? At which time life once more continues on without us. This outcome leaves us once more desperately searching for a reasoning which makes sense of our lives. We continue to chase our tails for acceptance which eludes us at every turn. Once more we feel abandoned by life as we continue on blindly trying without success to make any Forward movement. Tomorrow will be just another day with no real thought of our present day. We just can’t find it within us to let go. We reflect back on all those times we feel that we had tried to let go but hadn’t made even the slightest difference? We continue to converse with that voice within which is always reminding us, no matter what we do we will never arrive at a place that would enable us any forward movement.

We hang on to abandonment like a shield warding off anything that invades our understanding of our present lives. Abandonment is always the place that we arrive at so why fight it? We firmly believe that honesty is a luxury, and that we must never trust anyone because there is always a hidden agenda. Our self-worth that’s an emotion sitting up there in front of us like a neon sign, we are always struggling to except that we have any at all. The conclusion is reached that forward movement is not attainable to us, and it goes without saying that no one else can tell us differently. We can’t change that person looking back at us each day in the mirror right? If you are anything like me at that time you don’t even want to look. If I ever took even the slightest glance the image was but a stranger to me.

By constantly looking for the bad it inevitably happens time after time but that’s no big surprise to us. Each day we seem to be that building which is empty derelict and falling down, no matter how we try we just can’t make the necessary repairs. We know with complete certainty that starting refurbishment is not an option that’s open to us. Quite simply at that moment and time it’s a firm statement of our truth. It’s as clear cut as black and white; so we may as well forget it right? There is no eraser in the world that can wipe away whom we consider ourselves to be. For such a long time it would be true to say that I wouldn’t have even used that eraser if it were available to me. I firmly believed that my emotions and the pain that they created couldn’t be altered; I guess that I was afraid to try because in complete honestly falling seemed such a long way down. I guess for me during those years if I didn’t try I couldn’t fail, maybe at that time I even believed that there was safety within the negativity-but that was never the truth.

So why do we hold on to a roller-coaster of emotions that clearly brings us such pain, it seems to be such a stupid thing to do within a sane mind. By implication I include myself within that statement, purely because I myself once sat firmly within a place where I did not feel of sane mind whatsoever. Whilst struggling with my own set of self judgment. If I were to colour in the picture of my own journey of letting go, finally arriving at a point where I found the strength to try everything became so obvious. I’m sure my journey wouldn’t look in the least like your own, but that’s really how it’s supposed to be. Our journeys will always differ because we are two very separate people, but the very nature of the journey we each need to make is the same

No matter which emotion we are striving to deal with when given time it is possible to turn it on its head. But there is a truth here in which we all need to accept; that no matter how long I sit here conversing with you I can’t make those changes in your life. Ok, so why I am here? Quite simply to assert that it’s you alone that are able to one put your foot firmly on the starting block; it cannot be any other way if the construction of our thought process is ever to be altered. It was not so long ago that I myself sat in front of a computer screen with the same look of dread on my face, whilst reading though the journeys others had already taken.

Letting go means that for a short time we completely lose our sense of security, it is without doubt one of the most uncomfortable times of our lives. But it’s only by doing so that we are then able to dig in deep enough to look at the root cause squarely in the face. We then find ourselves sitting in the middle of a demolition site whilst trying desperately to out run the plastic explosive. But my advice to you would be to just sit there because at that precise time and moment you will learn to own yourself. When we look at abandonment we tend to look away from ourselves clearly because abandonment by others is so very painful. But are we not abandoning ourselves if we continue on within this enforced way of thinking? When all we really need is a completely new blueprint where we become the architect.

Within us all without exception sits that scared abandoned child and sadly that’s how they will stay without movement from us. But we need to see that in essence our abandoned child should be our first consideration. Abuse eats us up like dry rot without any hope of receiving a certificate of safety until we go inside and start to rebuild.

Our way of thinking even our very way of being was indoctrinated upon us as children. But make no mistake it was never for us. We need to recognise this by channelling our energies away from the house that Jack built- if you pardon the pun, believe that even if we find ourselves sitting amongst a pile of rubble-not letting go is no longer an option. For myself I visualised a deep skip within me where I unceremonious dumped my past, but that’s of no matter because you will find your own way. Don’t set yourself any expectations because in doing so it almost seems to be fated by default. Give yourself the permission to be that snail; I’m sure we all know that story well.

There will be times where you feel the need to let go of the anger within-so just do so. Go find a big open space where you can rant at the world, it kind of feels good if I’m talking from experience. Metaphorically just let go of the past and throw it away you really don’t need to hold on to it a moment longer. Cast away that derelict building whose walls will never face south enabling it to see the sun light. It’s time for you to continue walking towards to the right side of the building. Let the walls fall down all around you that foundation was never meant to hold fast, whilst trusting that in time another will be built to take its place-because believe me it always does.

Letting go will never be easy because we feel as naked as a new born baby-but that’s not such a bad place to start……