November 2012

“There’s a fine line”

People would be hurt both physically and mentally. No one was safe if they stood in the way of my stepfather and what he claimed was his. I would be abused and blackmailed, unable to stop or control anything going on around me; I felt that the only way out would be to check out on life completely and it seemed a welcoming prospect. Running from memories of all those years living by his rules, buried so deep within me I never really remembered or faced until I was forced to do so.

I would find myself in a situation that I had no control over, in the grip of a complete madman, who was hell-bent on destroying my life. Whilst running from the memories of all the years I spent living under his rule. He told me that there was no reason for anyone to get hurt, so I guess that’s the day that I became no one.

I saw myself delving deeper and deeper into my own unconscious thoughts, revealing to me memories which seemed so alien. Happy memories for me are something that I hold in short supply, and I always thought that they were in my childhood. But that was about to be blown out of the water.

But the problem with opening Pandora’s Box was that once opened, I could no longer close the lid carrying it along with me – like an uninvited guest at a party who never knows when it’s time to leave. It left me with an enormous sociological/psychiatric residue. I myself would spend many years within the Mental Health Care system.

The onset of a set of circumstances beyond my control would stamp its seal, rendering my marriage unworkable, engineered by the involvement of the one man I had learnt to hate – my stepfather.

I myself would spend many years within Mental Health Care; I would move from a heterosexual relationship into a lesbian relationship, firmly believing that anything controlled or even remotely integral to men, was something I never ever wanted part of again.

Through the writing my book, I have found the strength and hope to come back from a very dark place. My greatest wish would be to impart that message to others. We can all achieve that. There is a place deep inside of us that remains untapped, unless you reach your lowest point and allow the soul within you to take hold. Today my outlook on life is so very different; instead of the glass being half empty the glass is half full. It was time to heal the child within me she had suffered enough.

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel; my aim is to reassure that.

The facts within are very hard to believe, but believe it I must because I was there. It’s still incredible to me to think that I came out of it the other side. That said only just. Happily I have now taken back my life. My overriding passion is to help others reclaim their own.

To sum it all up I really want to make a difference for those in need of help with their own demons, I believe my book does this. Furthermore my website depicts that there is a way back; I am not special but it’s true to say that I have found my Holy Grail. If you live your life with a rain cloud over your head, you will never know if it has stopped raining unless you find the strength to put the umbrella down . . .