Grief – it’s a word we can all relate to, if we have ever suffered the pain of losing someone close to us. It’s a word that is associated with love, the empty feeling it leaves behind as the bottom of our world falls out. It’s a word that is associated with death, as we try to move on in our lives without that special person. But death has many guises. So what relevance has it here? Let’s explore that question together. To my mind there are so many other things that we grieve for. The loss of that prefect job, the reposition of your home, bankruptcy, these and more are all relevant points if we take the time to look grief wears many hats. This was a lesson that I had to learn, in which I would receive an ‘A’ star-plus for effort on my road to recovery. If we were to think of our lives and the passing of the years as building blocks that forge us as we grow, any block removed would have a major effect on us. We need to fully understand, that this also includes the bad as well as the good. They define who we are, a jigsaw with all the pieces in place. If we are to give any credence to the above statement, it becomes very easy to recognise the relevance. However much we would like it not to be. The abuse we have suffered plays its part, that loss is also felt fully. So how can that be true when everything surrounding that passage of time was so very painful? Rightly or wrongly it has become a part of you. Many years may have passed for some me included, where abuse was a constant part of our lives. The fact that we find the courage to change; to remove those blocks will almost defiantly create a whole that will need to be addressed. We grieve for the loss of time within our lives; a feeling that is somewhat uncomfortable. Emotions are being removed healed one by one, emotions that seemed to have become part of our DNA. The kicker is that leaving anything behind us has an effect; it’s a shift in time of which you have no control over. For many years of my life, healing involved the comfort of a support group. I was in a bubble of safety. Unburdening all those issues that I had to carry alone for so many years; someone was now in place taking some of the weight from me. They helped me to fill the void that was being created, by the very act of being there. I came to rely on that comfort and never envisaged that at some point it would be removed. But the reality is that it was only ever going to be there for a short period in time. Once more we grieve the loss of that guiding hand in the right direction; the stark reality is that we now have to take control of the reins alone. It’s true to say that from that moment on looking to the future, the blocks being put in place will be of your own making, but there will never be a stronger foundation . . .
To listen to my interview with Cindy Brennan please follow the link below, where we are also joined by Carolyn Hennecy, also a great advocate for abuse and domestic Violence.http://cynthiabrennen.com/?p=1719&option=com_wordpress&Itemid=7 This show will be archived under “Cynthia on Radio”, titled “Domestic Violence Awareness & Advocacy with Teresa Joyce & Carolyn Hennecy”
Here is the link to my interview with Rebecca Kimple on You tube. A great host who works tirelessly to aide the recovery of others from abuse.
It’s a question I have been asked many times both personally and indirectly through my web page. So which why am I being asked here? There are so many whys in my past; it’s quite difficult to pin each one down. This scenario I am sure mirrors the lives of so many people, still unable to answer that particular question for themselves.
Let’s now return to the start of this piece and deal with the said question “would it not be easier to deal with the cause and not the aftermath”? That’s one hell of a question and a little like opening a can of worms. That said I will try to answer as honestly as I possibly can. For me there were so many whys. Why was I abused as a child? Why did that horrendous situation follow me in to adulthood? Why was my mother taken from me so cruelly, because of the incompetence of the medical staff involved? Why was I in an accident that would see me ill-health retired and in constant pain daily? I’m sure you can see where I am going here, if I were to think about it further, that reply would increase tenfold. Everyone has a choice as to how they deal with the destruction that blighted their lives. Do we keep returning to those painful places, while dissecting every last episode? Which proportion of blame do we allot to each episode? Has the right amount of blame been fairly disrupted? Do we run around chasing our tails in an effort to partition everything in the right boxes? I can only answer these questions as I myself see them, fully aware that each and every one of us needs to find our own way to move forward. That’s the key – move forward. Personally I see no point in the post-mortem. If we are ever to heal the most important thing that springs to mind, is that we need to deal in the here and now. Is it not about finding peace within our self’s in this moment and time? Do we keep dragging it all behind us by the scruff of the neck unable to put it down? Ultimately we can’t keep raking over our past, if we every stand a cat in hell’s chance to heal. In essence why waste your future because of the destruction suffered within your past? The sad fact is that life won’t wait for you, it will continue on if you’re along for the ride or not . . .